Everything I have learned about Resilience
Yes, it is actually possible to build up a psychological immune system.
"If you continue like this, you won't live any longer than 40". I was 22 years old and sat in the office of the company doctor in one of the country's largest newspapers. I had landed my dream job and was sent on photo assignments all over the world. It was before the climate crisis, before the media crisis, and before Metoo. Before mindfulness and yoga was something you knew about. Before the term "burned out" became common property. This was the 90s, and in my industry, you had to work hard and deliver.
For my part, it ended right in “the easy wall” as we call it in Norwegian when we have worked way too much. I woke up bathed in my own sweat. For the next six months, I was completely apathetic. I, who always had so many ideas, suddenly felt everything was meaningless. I didn't know then that too much work can make you lose your creativity. And not only that, according to Resilience researchers, you can also lose empathy.
Psychological Resilience
I got up after my burnout. But the experience was a wake-up call. Since then, I have been deeply interested in psychological Resilience and have read countless research reports and articles on the topic. Curiosity drove me the winter of 2022 to a course in Practical Resilience for coaches and healthworkers run by Schumacher College. For eight weeks, I spent every Thursday on Zoom with people worldwide to learn about the tools increasingly used by doctors and crisis workers. Methods and techniques that can build us all to withstand more of the crises our lives can throw at us.
What is Resilience?
"Resilience" is poorly translated as "force of resistance". Resilience is a psychological term that describes the ability to handle stress, change, and disasters and is also called psychological Resilience or psychological immunity. Resilience is being tough without being blunt. To be steady without losing empathy and compassion. To build Resilience, you must be willing to reflect, feel for yourself, dare to go inward, and at the same time, stand firm when life hits.
According to David Peters, Professor Emeritus at the Westminster Center for Resilience, and Chris Johnstone, author of the book "Seven Ways to Build Resilience" - Resilience is not something you have but something that can be learned.
The right tools
Creating a mental toolbox is one of Chris Johnstone's best pieces of advice. What strategies, resources, and insights can you draw on when it really matters? Are the challenges you face solvable, or do you have to live with them? Do you need help? Who can you call? What can you do yourself? Are there places in nature that bring you joy? Do you have creative projects you can start with? Can you change your thinking pattern? Chris Johnstone tells his own story about crashing his car after weeks of too much work as a medical student in practice. The incident sent him into a deep depression, but the job of getting back on his feet sparked his interest in resilience training, turning him into an expert in his field. Sometimes things have to get really bad before you manage to get a grip.
Search within
I actually learned from my fall too. I could later feel in my body when the elastic had been stretched too far over time. But that didn't mean it didn't happen again. Because with a full-time job, house-building project, and two small children, you don't always have a choice. A deadline is a deadline. I remember sitting in the sun wall after the weekend off, unable to walk a meter, and thinking I had to do something drastic. In retrospect, what worked best was not one thing but many tiny and big life choices. Like calming down more, being more present, and looking more inward.
So when I decided to go on a Resilience course on the eve of the Corona lockdown, it was to gather even more knowledge in a field I have become increasingly interested in. I could acquire scientific and academic credentials to insist that nature, breathing exercises, yoga, and ice bathing can grow Resilience. Because it has done that for me.
Being a tree on Zoom
The Zoom course begins with a basic exercise. "Close your eyes and think that you are a tree....." We all sit with our eyes closed and think that we are trees. My inner 22-year-old ironist would laugh out loud, but I feel my roots go deep into the black, nutrient-rich soil beneath my feet as I sit on Zoom. It's quite another to start a meeting with strangers from all over the world after you've been a tree together.
Then we learn a breathing technique. Breathing in for five seconds and breathing out for five seconds will lower your heart rate considerably. "Try doing that for 5 minutes while thinking about something nice, and you'll feel completely different afterward," says Professor David Peters. David Peters has researched what stress does to the nervous system. He holds courses and workshops for healthcare workers because, as he says: "Those who look after others are not necessarily good at looking after themselves."
Hunt and Escape
Our bodies and brains are not made for our lives in today's society. We are driven to chase and flee for short periods, then return to our safe group where we can rest and recharge. The way we have arranged our lives now, with a life full of stimuli and a schedule that does not work out, we become stressed and unempathetic in the first phase. The next phase is illness and depression. Yes, you read that right. Stress makes us less able to cooperate, while the opposite, enough quality rest, makes us cooperative and empathetic.
Professor David Peters teaches us about the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system, the body's autonomic system. This can take over in crisis situations, making you freeze or run away. Humans are very different when it comes to how easily activated we are. Some can very quickly go into flight mode, while others stay calm. Previous untreated traumas and how we are as people affect our Resilience, but that does not mean Resilience cannot be learned.
Think positive
I can quickly become provoked when someone talks about being positive in all possible situations. How about a bit of good old-fashioned resentment when the climate crisis, inflation, and war insist on hitting almost simultaneously?
Chris Johnstone and David Peters teach us different models that lead us to reverse negative thought patterns under challenging situations. They call it the flexibility of thought. You can always list the best that can happen and what you can do to turn the situation in that direction. We always try to prepare for the worst, says Chris, but often these events are beyond our control, so by focusing on the best that can happen, we change our mindset even after the worst has already happened. It's all about the setting. It does not mean that we should accept everything that happens in life. Sometimes it's a matter of getting enough courage to say no, or to join together and make demands on the environment in unlivable situations.
Post-traumatic growth
A story of adversity is always a two-part story. That is how we encounter severe events in life, and then the next part will be about how we solve them. This is where we build Resilience. Our built-in capacity to tackle challenges, make the right choices, and make the best of the situation. If you manage to do that, you can experience post-traumatic growth, where your reflection on the event afterward strengthens you.
But what when things are really bad? It can be challenging to think positively or breathe deeply right after receiving news of death or being exposed to a traumatic event.
The small choices
Lucy Hone was a newly qualified resilience coach when her hometown of Christchurch, New Zealand was hit by an earthquake in 2011. She worked with survivors for over a year, convinced she had found her calling. Unfortunately, she was to use her knowledge in a completely different way than she had planned. Three years later, her 12-year-old daughter died in a car accident. Lucy's life and identity were turned upside down from one moment to the next. She was told that as a relative and victim, she now had a greater chance of depression, break-up, and suicide. That she could write off the next five years to the grieving process. Lucy Hone, Ph.D., adjunct senior fellow at the University of Canterbury (NZ), refused to accept these terms, and created her own strategies, later shared in a TED talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-5SMpg7Q0k, which became very popular on YouTube at the start of the corona epidemic. In the TED talk, she shares her 3 best advice for Resilience. One of the pieces of advice was to ask yourself every day if the choices made in her life hurt or benefited her? It was, of course, tempting to drink another glass of wine or to look at all the pictures she had of her daughter, but perhaps the best thing was to sleep or call a friend. Small choices like this mean everything.
More dancing!
Some strengths can only be discovered when you are far beyond your comfort zone and beyond what you think you can handle. Sometimes disasters will cause us to grow in ways we didn't know possible. Resilience is a choice, says David Peters, and you can always focus on the fine things in your life and make choices that are good for you.
I have decided to dance a little more. I am convinced that it makes me more resilient. "Dance like nobody's watching, love like you've never been hurt," I sing with my headset on while I cook dinner and try not to dread the next crisis. What if everything turns out okay in the end?
9 tips to increase your Resilience in times of crisis:
1. Acute crises (when you are out of danger):
Focus and think about your breathing. Don't go into a spin, but breathe as calmly as you can and think of a point in the middle of your chest. This is first aid, a bit like putting a plaster or bandage on a wound. Using all your senses, feeling where your body is in space, and focusing on thinking about your breath can take you away from panic and dissociation. After a dramatic event, making choices that are good for you and your body is essential. Ask yourself if what you choose to do afterward is good for you or harms you.
2. Seek help. Talk to friends and family; if that doesn't work, get professional help. It has never been natural for us humans to manage everything on our own.
3. Acceptance and flexible mindset. Accepting that life happens and that terrible events are not an indicator of how things will go later can be a method that helps us move forward. Maybe you can't change this situation, but you always have an opportunity to choose how you respond to it.
4. Continuous stress and overload: Take breaks; 5 minutes of 5X5 breathing while scanning your body lowers the heart rate considerably. If you also recall a positive memory or think about things you are grateful for, the body will secrete happy hormones, and you will feel recharged and energetic afterward.
5. Seeking out a place that makes you happy. You can also do it mentally. Breathe calmly, close your eyes, and recreate the area in your imagination. Evoke all sensory sensations, smells, light, and sound.
6. Create a toolbox: Do you sleep enough, do you eat well, do you get enough exercise? Can you be more in nature? Write down your resources, what makes you happy, and who makes you happy? All the little things that add up give you more energy.
7. Meditation, mindfulness, and gratitude exercises can help lower the heart rate and get the body and head into a calmer thought pattern.
8. Do something good for others. Being caring and kind is an essential part of giving life meaning. It strengthens self-esteem and provides a connection with other people. During the corona lockdown, we were cut off from helping others; we can now take this back as an essential part of life.
9. Do something good for the world. War, climate crisis, and the world's unfair distribution of resources. One can feel powerless about many things, but there are always things to do. Start a fundraising campaign, support small sustainable businesses, and join an association that makes a difference in the local environment. There is a distinction between self-help and hedonistic selfishness. Everything you do matters.
Resources:
“Seven Ways to build Resilience.” Av Chris Johnstone
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Seven-Ways-Build-Resilience-Strengthening/dp/147214113X
https://chrisjohnstone.info/
https://www.amazon.com/Resilient-Grieving-Strength-Embracing-Everything/dp/1615193758 “Resilient Grieving: How to Find Your Way Through a Devastating Loss” By Lucy Hone
https://resiliencetraining.net/p/free-online-resilience-training
https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience